The first reason is my grandfather is dying. He is the only one I have. My Papa has taught me many things. He has taught me how to grow a garden, plan trips to other states, how to save money, and most importantly where to take the best naps at their house. My Papa was there for my first word, steps, and was the one to first feed me table food. My family doesn't think he will make it past Christmas. It's hard to think about but it is reality. I really don't know what I will do without him.
The next reason is because I feel like a failure. I tried out for the Marching Southerners at JSU and my parents were so excited. They had posted it on social media and told almost everyone they knew. Tryout weekend was not my best weekend for many reasons not just musical and I did not make it. I feel like I have let everyone down. I didn't want to tell people that I was trying out in the first place for this reason. I also just want to make my parents proud. Anytime we do anything or talk to anyone they always brag on my brother. I was valedictorian and graduated with honors but I still don't feel like I make them proud. We don't talk about it anymore and my brother's wrestling overshadows my accomplishments. I would just like to make my parents proud just once in my life.
The last is my body. I feel disgusting. I felt really good about myself earlier this summer but this week I've felt terrible. The guy I like has been texting me all week and I keep wondering why would anyone take interest in me the fat chick. I eat healthy and try to be as active as I can but nothing seems to work. I know this is part of having PCOS but shouldn't I have some kind of result. My mom doesn't help this situation. She keeps telling me that no one wants to date someone who doesn't wear makeup and dress nice everyday. Maybe I don't do these things because I feel like crap about myself plus most of the clothes I own are jeans and t-shirts. I would buy myself better close but it's kind of hard to when you don't have a job because all you do is take care of your brothers. I just want to stop feeling this way and to appreciate that someone actually likes me for me.
I need encouragement. I want someone to be proud of me. I want to be me again. If anyone reads this please send me some encouragement and positivity. Thanks.
e-mail: bandchik97@yahoo.com
