Life Can Suck Sometimes

No one will probably read this but I don't care. I just need to get this off my chest. LIfe sucks right now. My emotions are crazy I don't know if I should be happy or sad most of the time. Many things have made me this way.

The first reason is my grandfather is dying. He is the only one I have. My Papa has taught me many things. He has taught me how to grow a garden, plan trips to other states, how to save money, and most importantly where to take the best naps at their house. My Papa was there for my first word, steps, and was the one to first feed me table food. My family doesn't think he will make it past Christmas. It's hard to think about but it is reality. I really don't know what I will do without him. 

The next reason is because I feel like a failure. I tried out for the Marching Southerners at JSU and my parents were so excited. They had posted it on social media and told almost everyone they knew. Tryout weekend was not my best weekend for many reasons not just musical and I did not make it. I feel like I have let everyone down. I didn't want to tell people that I was trying out in the first place for this reason. I also just want to make my parents proud. Anytime we do anything or talk to anyone they always brag on my brother. I was valedictorian and graduated with honors but I still don't feel like I make them proud. We don't talk about it anymore and my brother's wrestling overshadows my accomplishments. I would just like to make my parents proud just once in my life. 

The last is my body. I feel disgusting. I felt really good about myself earlier this summer but this week I've felt terrible. The guy I like has been texting me all week and I keep wondering why would anyone take interest in me the fat chick. I eat healthy and try to be as active as I can but nothing seems to work. I know this is part of having PCOS but shouldn't I have some kind of result. My mom doesn't help this situation. She keeps telling me that no one wants to date someone who doesn't wear makeup and dress nice everyday. Maybe I don't do these things because I feel like crap about myself plus most of the clothes I own are jeans and t-shirts. I would buy myself better close but it's kind of hard to when you don't have a job because all you do is take care of your brothers. I just want to stop feeling this way and to appreciate that someone actually likes me for me. 

I need encouragement. I want someone to be proud of me. I want to be me again. If anyone reads this please send me some encouragement and positivity. Thanks. 

e-mail: bandchik97@yahoo.com

My Future

My future is something I think about a lot. I am the kind of person who likes to have a plan for my future. The only problem is that you cannot predict the future so anything you plan is not for certain. Even though I know this I still like to make plans. I want to share my plans with you.

My current plans are to finish high school and get a good ACT score. After this I hope to be accepted into Jacksonville State University (Go Gamecocks!!) and maybe even march with the Southerners (Blow Southerners!) like my dad did when he went to JSU. While at JSU I plan on majoring in nursing and hopefully graduate as a Registered Nurse. 

After college I plan to work in a hospital the amount of years required to apply for travel nursing. I really want to do international travel but I would not mind state side as long as I am doing something I love. My parents and I have already talked about this and they have agreed to let me use them as my home base because having an apartment or a house during this time does not make sense because hopefully I will be traveling a lot. I plan on doing this for a few years and maybe then settle down and have a few kids. 

I want to be a bit older when I settle down. I want to get married and have kids and maybe a dog. I want to have a beautiful house with a good bit of land so the kids can play and have tiny adventures. I want to grow old with my husband and have a lot of grandchildren to spoil and love. 

I have many plans for my future and hopefully some of them will come true. If these plans do not come true then I will be fine. Overall my future is not in my control. God may have plans for me that I would have never dreamed of. I cannot wait to see what my future holds!

English Exam

For my first semester exam in 11th grade English we had to write a poem. The assignment was to write a poem from the point of view of someone besides yourself using the ways of society today. The hardest part was finding someone to write from their point of view. It took me awhile but I finally decided to write from the point of view of Connor Franta.

The reason I chose Connor was because the week I got this assignment was the same week he came out on his YouTube channel. I find this topic of coming out a pretty big deal in our society today. We hear about it on the news and read about it in articles in newspapers and magazines. These articles are filled with negative and positive views. In our society most people frown upon homosexuality but times are changing and it is not as much of a taboo as it was before. I tired my best to point this out in my poem and I hope that I got this message across clearly.

I also tried to clearly show that you should never be afraid of being you. No one is happy being someone they are not trust me I have been there. Whether you are gay, straight, Christian, atheist, etc. you should never have to hide who you are for others. Your own happiness in who you are is the only thing that should matter.

Since I chose to write from Connor's point of view I watched his coming out video about a thousand times. I do quote him in my poem and all credit of these quotes goes to him. So now that this has been said I want to share my poem.

There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,

The yellow fog has long settled
And more have come and gone
What has been done is done since you came along

I heard your song through the fog
I have written my own song too
My name is Connor Franta and this is what I have to say to you

Time now is like an open book
Some people read the pages without taking a second look
Others observe your every move
Like a predator that watches its' prey
Except we are all prey in this cannibalistic world

People always tell me be who you truly are
But how can I do that when they never are
I had to hide behind a mask of society's design
For fear of being rejected by my family and viewers at the same time

People do not like what is different
But things are constantly changing everyday
I thought I would be disowned
But maybe now different is okay

There was a time in my life
Where I tried to deny myself
I felt like there was no escape from my thoughts

I became tired from hiding and running from my true identity
So I decided to embrace who I truly was
I told my friend and I felt like I finally found myself

I will not let my sexuality define or confine me
I will be myself without society's "help"
Nothing can hold me back from being me
Especially now that I am open and not afraid

It's okay, you will be fine
There is no need to be afraid
You should love who you are
And never hold back your true identity because that is never okay

People do not like what is different
But things are constantly changing everyday
I thought I would be disowned
But maybe now different is okay.

Well this is it. I feel like this got my point across the best it could. I hope you liked it.

Also the epigraph is from a poem by T.S. Elliot.

This is Me

Hello! My name is Kristalyn and I am from Alabama. I am a Christian and go to church in Gardendale. I play percussion, mostly mallet, in the band at school. Music has basically been my life since birth. I love everything that has to do with the 80's especially the music. My favorite band from the 80's is Culture Club. I also love to travel. My favorite way to travel is to road trip. I have been to several different states. the farthest I have been is Virginia. I plan on adding many more places to my list (hopefully out of the country) before I graduate college. The person who has inspired my love for travel is Louis Cole. Watching his videos on YouTube always makes me happy and keeps my passion for travel and adventure alive. I also love photography and even though I don't have a camera of my own I like to use my phone and I find that I take better pictures with that than I do a camera. This is just a bit about me. I will reveal more little by little as I go through this little adventure on here.

I hope I can make this blog interesting for anyone who reads it. If anyone reads it. I am really bad at grammar so please be patient with me. Thanks!

                                                                                                                                         Kristalyn